I am not depressed. I just like sad bastard music.

(Edit: I didn’t realize this would seem ominous without a caption. Hee. Why We Broke Up is a Young Adult book written by Daniel Handler, aka Lemony Snicket. It’s cute, and I’ve been wanting to read this for some time now. The husband bought this for me today.)

Shelter
Ray LaMontagne

♬ Listen, when all of this around us will fall over, I tell you what we’re gonna do. You will shelter me, my love, and I will shelter you. I will shelter you. ♬

I made a list of songs for your first dance awhile back, and this was in it. Shelter is a word that I respond viscerally to, much like solace and home. It’s about a sense of belonging like no other, a love that gathers you and keeps you safe and close.

My favorite part of the day is when he stops in the middle of feeding, leans back and looks at me intently, and softly, earnestly coos with as much love as his little body can muster.

How to Disappear Completely
Radiohead

♬ Strobe lights and blown speakers. Fireworks and hurricanes. I’m not here. This isn’t happening. ♬

My son is getting baptized in an hour. He obviously cannot contain his excitement.

I was a total daddy’s girl growing up. This got me all choked up.

A Case of You
Joni Mitchell

♬ Oh, you’re in my blood like holy wine, you taste so bitter and so sweet. I could drink a case of you, darling, and I would still be on my feet. I would still be on my feet. ♬

Paradise
Coldplay

♬ When she was just a girl, she expected the world, but it flew away from her reach. So she ran away in her sleep, and dreamed of paradise every time she closed her eyes. ♬

(Source: peace-trouble-98)

Dear Corwin,

You kept us up ‘till 4:30am today. If you ever want to know what it’s like to be holding on desperately to the last shreds of your sanity while half asleep, have a child.

You’re such a sweet little boy though, when you’re not playing it fast and loose with my mental health. You’re incredibly gassy at night, for reasons that shall forever escape me, and you either refuse to poop or do it too much. You wake up smiling and laughing though, and this somehow makes up for all of it.

You’ve always been animated, but you’re even more so now. You coo and gurgle with much insistence, as if you’re saying Very Important Things that I should pay close attention to. And I do. Your dad fascinates you to no end, and you prefer him for play. But nothing comforts you like I do, and I love that. You hold on to me with your little hands while you feed, and it melts my heart so completely.

I saw a video about the language of babies and it has helped us tremendously these past three days. “Neh” means you’re hungry. “Eh” means you have to burp. “Owh” means you’re sleepy. I repeat the word while taking care of your need and the delighted look on your face whenever you realize I actually understand you now is funny.

Your doctor remains pleased with your development, saying you’re quite advanced. Full range of neck movement, and you recognize colors way beyond RBW, among other things. We’re managing your atopic dermatitis by eliminating everything in the world I love to eat. This makes me sad, but I’ll live. I’ll get so fat when I stop breastfeeding.

I have to go to work now. It hurts like hell to leave you.

Love,
Mommy

P.S. Please stop scratching your face.