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Monthly Archives: November 2012

Dear Corwin,

You’ve been particularly attached to me these past few weeks. You call out for mommy over and over again when I’m not with you. This makes it very difficult to work, because all I want to do is run to you when I hear you calling. Once, your dad was brushing your teeth when I walked in, and you yelled, “MAAAA!” with a growl and your eyes all lit up and a huge grin on your face. A few days ago, you looked for me while I was in the shower. You heard footsteps and squealed with excitement, but when the door opened, it was Ninay. Disappointed, you turned to your dad with the corners of your mouth turned downward, quivering, with tears forming in your eyes. Oh, love. You are the sweetest, funniest thing.

Last week, you wrapped yourself around me in your sleep, holding on for dear life. You sat up suddenly around midnight, all disoriented and sleepy. I watched your little head bob as you drifted in and out of consciousness, and was quite amused. After a minute, you rested your head and hand on my tummy before falling asleep again. You stayed that way for some time. I was more than happy to let you.

I remember crying a lot when you were just days/weeks old, asking your father over and over again if he thinks you know how much I love you. I had post-partum depression and my hormones were all over the place. I remember asking that repeatedly, like my life depended on you knowing this. Because I was convinced that as long as you understand how much I love you, everything will always be okay. I still believe that. I look at you now, and I’m pretty sure you do. You’re secure and happy, and so communicative. You talk to me and my heart swells, even though I have no idea what you’re saying half the time. You also furrow your brow in the most hilarious way when something displeases you, like when you hit yourself in the face with whatever it is you’re waving around at the moment. :p

I need you to know how much I love you because I’m not the perfect mother. I will fail you at times. When I fail, when I lose my patience and raise my voice, when I don’t have the time to slow cook organic meals (which is most of the time, really), when I don’t make enough breast milk and have to supplement with formula, when I don’t make it home in time for your bedtime, when I get overwhelmed with how much there is to do, when you get ant bites and I can’t find the little suckers that hurt you, when you cry in the car and I feel like crying along with you, I want you to always know that I love you, and because of how much I love you, I will always try to be better than I am.

Love,
Mommy

Jeff and I decided to have a small lunch with just family to celebrate Corwin’s first birthday last November 10. (His birthday was on the 8th.) Now, Jeff and I are okay with crowds — we handle crowds of 100 to 1,000 on a regular basis with work — but we do not like hosting parties because it’s stressful for us introverts. We made a small exception for the little one though. We wanted him to be surrounded by family for his birthday, so that’s what we did. There were 35 of us and we filled the small restaurant. It was nice and cozy. Corwin was delighted to be around so many people who love him, and Jeff and I were on a high for the rest of the day for being able to do that for our son. Maybe next year we can handle throwing an actual children’s party. Or not. Baby steps.

I got a custom space-themed printable invitation from an Etsy shop, Merrymint Designs. I changed it up a bit with the words and colors, and made it 4×6 so it would fit the lovely Muji envelopes I have in stock. I then stamped the names of the recipients before sticking them inside mailing envelopes.

We decided on a Rocket Town theme, and we got the invites soon after. Because of a much later trip to Lasting Impression, a crafts store that I should never ever go back to because I go a bit manic over all the pretty things inside it, the theme went somewhere along the lines of Vintage Rocket Town. Stacy’s was the perfect place to have it because their interiors worked well with what we were going for. Lovely place. Good music. Great food.

Everyone kept saying they loved the food, and that’s something because my family’s hard to please when it comes to food. I was a bit disappointed by the balloon centerpieces though. These photos are edited so the colors are not as startlingly primary as they were in person. Also, part of the attraction to the place was that they use paper straws — it’s charming and environment-friendly. During our party though, not a single paper straw was to be seen. They used plastic straws. And there were 4 waitresses and none of them took drink orders until I asked them to, three times. If we had to do it all over again though, I’d still have it there. We had a great time, and that’s what counts.

I made this banner with things I got from the crafts shop. They had this Rocket Age collection and it was perfect for our needs.

Stacy’s prepared this lovely cake, the tiny pennant banner on top of it, and the “Corwin’s First Birthday!” banner below. I made the little flags with washi tape from Hey Kessy and lollipop sticks, and the cards on the tables.

I’ve been writing Dear Corwin letters for an entire year now, and I wanted the guests to write him little notes, too. So they wrote Dear Corwin letters and dropped it in that mailbox where I stuck the sign I made. I’m really not a crafter, but for some reason, I’ve been feeling a need to create things for him lately. I want to make things with my own hands for him. (I’ve even been sewing Christmas ornaments, but that’s for another post altogether.)

I love the tic-tac-toe boards they had at the restaurant. My grandpa and granny actually played with the one on their table, and that made me feel warm and fuzzy all over.

I made the little flags in the popcorn mugs, too.

These were the giveaways we had at the end. There are little cups inside the paper bags containing “vintage” treats: Tootsie Rolls of different flavors, milk chocolate, and Kraft Caramels. There’s a thank you note at the back of the bag that seals it, made with the illustrations that Jeff made.

Jeff and I took all the pictures above. The one below is by our associate photographer, Bryan, who’s like family to us now, too.

This photo makes me happier than I know how to put into words. I could say that’s the love of my life holding my heart, and it would be true both ways.

Rough day. And as usual, my love affair with music and a good shuffle on the iPod saves me. (Well, besides late — so very late — dinner with the hubby and a late night trip to the bookstore.) This song popped up on shuffle on the long drive home, and has been looping nonstop for the past hour. I have a love/hate relationship with sad songs. Should not be too sad tonight though. Emails await.

Amy Winehouse, you are missed.

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Dear Corwin,

Yesterday was just like any other day for you, but I watched it in minutes and seconds. It was the last day you would ever be called an infant. You were walking, “reading”, reaching for things, and talking. You definitely didn’t look or act like an infant anymore, but it was a technicality I was happy to hold on to.

It’s now 1:27am of November 8, 2012. You are one year old today. I’ve just finished wrapping your presents: more wooden toys and a book. And your dad set up a giant box as a playhouse, ready for when you wake up. You’re fascinated with doors and the idea of moving between rooms at the moment, so I can’t wait to see what you do with it.

Your father and I have been going through your old photos lately. I still remember everything like it was yesterday. I remember you lying down between us, stretching and grunting like an old man. I remember waking up mornings to your face an inch away from mine, with you wearing the happiest look I’ve ever seen on something so tiny. I remember staying up, just watching you sleep and breathing you in. You smell like Christmas.

You have more words now. You say “bye” while waving, and “boy” while pointing to a character in one of your books. You call books “ka”, and you randomly exclaim, “Oh, wow!” That last one kills me every time. You roar and growl, and you “talk” in long paragraphs with the funniest facial expressions.

Just the other day, while the three of us were hugging, you pushed my head and your father’s together, one little hand behind each of our heads, to make us kiss. Five times. My heart can barely take this pure, unadulterated joy that you constantly fill it with, but I love it. I love you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to us, and because of you, I fall in love with your father over and over again.

When I gave birth to you, I remember someone told me, “The days are long, but the years are short.” It’s true. The year went by much too quickly. I can only hope for many, many, many more. Even forever still wouldn’t be enough.

Happy birthday, little one.

Love,
Mommy

  • Cams

    Such a heartwarming letter Ms. Lisa! I can only hope I can express it the same way with my baby girl… 🙂 Happy Birthday Corwin! 🙂ReplyCancel

The past three weeks have been rough. I got a really bad flu that lasted well over a week, and at the tail end of it, I caught a bacterial infection which did me in a few days later, for another week. I’ve still been working, but most of my spare time has been spent in bed, sleeping and recuperating. Corwin is growing leaps and bounds by the day, and it sucks feeling like I’m missing out, especially when he’s turning a year old. But he’s such a sweetheart, and just being around him, even if I’m stuck in bed, does me a world of good. I’m bouncing back, and running again starting next week. I never want to get sick again.

He’s turning one on Thursday. We’re going to celebrate it very simply, just the three of us, with Ninay, his beloved nanny (who was my sister’s nanny when she was a baby, and is like family to us). This weekend, we’re having a very small lunch with relatives, about 35 of them. I’ve mentioned we’re not really party-hosting people, so this is definitely out of our comfort zone. But we’re having fun with it. Since there’s less people, there’s also less stress on our end. We’re trying our best to make this lunch as “handmade” as possible.

The theme is Rocket Town. Or really, just rockets. The original plan was to incorporate it everywhere, but maybe we won’t go overboard with it. I got Jeff to draw these rockets for the party. (He drew the cassette tape I use on the blog header, by the way.) I’m thrilled that Corwin will see his father’s drawings in pictures of his first birthday party. I think it’s a nice touch.

I made cupcake toppers with lollipop sticks and washi tape. Cute little blue flags. I don’t know how they’ll look on top of the cupcakes. We’ll see this weekend, I guess. I got a nicely designed invitation on Etsy with a rocket on it, and stamped the envelopes. I’ll share photos of the party next week!